Warning! Being Vulnerable Might Get You Cookies


Do you wonder how much to share with people? And when asked if you are okay do you answer by rote, “Great thanks” but deep inside you want to keel over?

Do you need some help or advice but don’t want to appear weak or unknowledgeable?

Are you more comfortable asking people how they are rather than telling them how you are?

Read on,

It’s time to move out of your comfort zone.

A few weeks ago it was really tough. My two pickles went down with Chicken Pox at the same time. As this happened a big dark cloud arrived over my head. Partly because of the pox but also because I had a lot of other things going on as well.  The pox and sleep deprivation meant I didn’t have the usual resolve to send the cloud on its not so merry way.

I was sinking.

It was very early or late o’clock and I decided to do what any self-respecting mother of two would do when at her wits end.

I told Facebook.

(Friends not groups)

And I kept telling Facebook through the early hours and the next day.

I made myself vulnerable!

I got words of wisdom, tonnes of sympathy, personal messages that made me laugh and mostly I knew I wasn’t alone. Because at stupid o’clock with a screaming baby and no solution I felt very alone.

I later told Facebook I was off to the docs and tongue in cheek suggested someone bring me coffee.

Someone did.

When I came out I was met with a beautiful smiley face, a hot coffee, a bag of cookies and a warm hug. I dissolved. That kindness gave me the energy I needed to get through the day.

A few other people offered to make our tea that night. I politely said thank you but I’d planned a simple tea. I immediately wondered why I couldn’t just say, “Great Thanks.”

Did I feel needy? Undeserving?

One lady must’ve seen right through me. “Great, save that for tomorrow, I’m bringing pasta round for tonight.”

The cloud over my head at the start of the day had dissolved by the end of the day. The situation hadn’t changed much but people had been immensely kind.

So what did I learn?:

There is a difference between being vulnerable and needy.

A needy person never gives but constantly demands of others, complains, never seems to try and work it out and are constantly stuck.

They are weak.

A vulnerable person has inner strength. They can share their weaknesses and struggles honestly. They aren’t stuck forever they are stuck now.

I also learnt that being vulnerable attracts people. I’m not suggesting that you be vulnerable just to attract people because that would be needy. But people are attracted to people who are honest and talk about their stuff openly. People realise that it’s not just them that struggle, others do too. It is hard being that person but it is who I am and it’s a good thing.

And finally, cookies can change someone’s mood radically and show them they are not alone. I was so uplifted by my coffee and cookie experience that I decided to pop to a friends with a bag of cookies as I knew she was struggling too. She was so thankful. Her situation didn’t change, she continued to have sleepless nights but knowing someone cared made the day more manageable.

So, what are you meant to do with all this information?

Go and buy someone some cookies. Honestly, do it!

Be vulnerable. I know you have plans to be successful and achieve great things and you think you need to portray strength to do this so people will trust you.

You are on a journey. Part of that journey involves being a real person with real stuff going on.

Work with me.

Pop me an email at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk or join the community of like minded women at www.facebook.com/niclahughescoaching

Enjoy your cookie buying trip

Warmth to you

Nicola x x


If Your Outside Self Is Broken…Read This!

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This week’s challenge is my self-image.

I thought I had a healthy amount of self-esteem.

And when I say healthy I mean normal.

And when I say normal I mean I probably struggle on and off as much as yourself or any other woman.

Sometimes more, sometimes less.

Did you know that your hair is a symbol of pride? Well it is. And my pride has been challenged, wobbled, knocked over.

My hair has been destroyed.

Years ago I worked for a women’s residential project that helped them overcome life controlling issues such as self-harm, eating disorders, effects of abuse to name but a few. One day the wonderful ladies decided to challenge themselves. We had to think of something that would challenge our self-esteem and go out like that. So one lady hated herself in glasses, another hated wearing a certain style of clothing. It was different for us all.

But I couldn’t think of anything.

I told them that I was fairly happy with my body image and I couldn’t think of anything that would challenge me.

(Slight pause to laugh my head of!!!!!!)

One of the ladies said, “Go out with-out drying your hair.”

I actually thought my breath had been stolen, I gasped. That was it! There was no way on God’s green earth I wanted to do that. But I did. I hated it. It challenged me.

We all lived.

This time I’ve had my hair dyed and it’s been left on for too long and the condition is terrible. It feels awful and looks awful. I’m gutted.

A friend recently said, “Go out with-out drying your hair.”

Oh my goodness, where is the air, gasp!!

I’m back to that place.

What’s your thing?

What is it that’s wobbling your self-esteem, making you feel unattractive, less of a woman, insecure, it’s attacking your pride, it’s stopping you from moving forward?

For many it will be your weight. Maybe you hate your fat thighs. Or you’ve put on a tonne of weight and it’s everywhere.

For others it will be a particular body part that only surgery will fix. A bulging tummy, cankles, cellulite, wrinkles.

It’s not who you are is it?

You have an ideal version of yourself in your head of how you want to look. Actually get that image in your head. How do you want to look?

Hold that thought to one side.

Now think of the thing you want to do. Starting your own business, changing your career, being successful at a new hobby. Being the best mum you can be. Whatever it is think about it.

Hold both thoughts together.

They don’t really fit do they? The thing you want to do isn’t going to happen any faster if you looked the way you wanted to. The thought is a nuisance that’s like a fly and needs swatting.

Get away.

Some of you are saying that if you lost weight (or whatever) then you’d be more confident to do the thing you want to do.

Good point, but stop kidding yourself. There’s always going to be an excuse.

You just need to make a decision to do the thing you want to do and don’t let anything get in your way.

I am gutted about my hair. I hate seeing myself if I don’t like my hair. I feel embarrassed.

But…I’m moving. I’ll make a decision to chop it off or live with it and then I’m off.  I’ll continue on my journey.

And I’ll keep trying to love all those things I don’t like about my outside self.

If you need some support with your ‘stuff’ email me at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk and claim your free life coachig session

Then join me at www.facebook.com/nicolahughescoaching

I’d love to hear from you.

Love Nicola

PS. If you know some fabulous women (well of course you do), please feel free to share this with them