Apart from this, this is golden!
Seriously it’s gonna take a lot more than a hot bath and a walk to fix my monumental mess.
Do you feel you’re heading down a slippery slope but feel helpless to stop yourself?
Are you usually pretty resilient but this time somethings got the better of you?
Do you get a bit sick of self-help advice because whoever writes it must be a hermit who doesn’t have two kids a dog and a tonne of responsibility?
Keep reading because I am on your side.
It’s not that you don’t think a bit of mindfulness would be wonderful it’s just not possible and I know you aren’t making excuses, your life is a total balancing act and you’ve got a wobble on.
Even though you know a hot bath would be nice or 15 minutes to read a magazine would be luxury and a pub lunch alone with your partner is essential for harmony. The reality is the bath always has kids in it. There are no magazines because what’s the point of buying one, and a pub lunch!! Are you kidding? No baby sitter.
What are we exhausted, yet supposedly empowered women meant to do?
Self-care advice suggests you say NO
I’ve looked at my diary and tried to say no to things. I can’t delay the biggest pickles start at pre-school. I can’t cancel the smallest pickles birthday party. Could possibly cancel friends coming over for lunch but I don’t want to so I buy a massive lasagne and deal with the guilt of not providing a nourishing home cooked meal instead.
Self-care advice suggests look after yourself
I go to bed early but get woken up several times and wonder if I should just give up sleep altogether. I take vitamins. Have a good moan and a cry. Try to eat healthy but that involves more preparation. So spend time wondering whether I should eat healthily and use up energy preparing healthy food or buy pizza and feel rested but bloated and skint. Hubby intervenes and buys fish and chips and says fish oil is good. Good call hubby!
Self-care advice suggests yoga
Err no! I can’t do a keep fit class or go to anything else either. Nothing against them but I am rarely free from the pickles or I’m at work.
Then I had a revelation that helped me much more than any self-care advice ever has!
The Comfort Zone
I learnt about comfort zones, stretch zones and panic zones. The tasks in comfort zones feel safe, it’s easy and familiar. In the stretch zone it’s a challenge, you might feel a little panic, a few butterflies and some stress. And tasks in the panic zone you probably shouldn’t be doing because you feel extreme panic and stress just thinking of it.
As a passionate life coach I’d usually be talking about getting out of your comfort zone and developing yourself but not today.
Not when you are tired.
I realised that most of my day operated in the stretch zone. Even putting a load of washing in the machine was like the rat run trying to avoid being grabbed by small hands and moaned at.
I’m not sure about you but I can’t avoid my stretch zone, it’s good to have stretches and in theory when you’ve done it a few times it graduates to the comfort zone.
This is not true for the tasks that involve my little pickles, they are so unpredictable (and gorgeous) that they always add this unknown entity to life. I wouldn’t be without it but I have to admit I like to know what’s going on so I find it a stretch and I think it always will be.
It would be really easy to feel inadequate because I can’t handle the stretch of these simple parenting tasks. But that’s who I am.
My advice…I hope you don’t think its crap!
Nicola’s Self-care suggests: know your comfy place.
It might be that staying on the sofa all evening once the kids have gone to bed is your only comfort zone event of the day.
Or an hour to check your virtual world makes you feel safe.
Or eating a big piece of chocolate restores all the wrong in a day.
When I realised I needed to do these things instead of get my sorry butt to Pilates (a stretch zone for me – no pun intended). It was like I gave myself a huge permission, like a get out of PE letter from my mum!
Instead I looked at how I got comfort and where I felt safe.
If I’m not stressed and life is balanced then I’ll stretch myself some more because I’ve got a lot of things I want to achieve and sitting on the sofa isn’t going to get me very far.
But I really need to recognise those times and seasons and so do you.
Give yourself a get out of PE note and do what you need to do to recover from this season, because it is only a season.
All will be restored soon and you can carry on with your mission.
If you know your life needs some adjustment or you feel out of balance contact me as I’d love to offer you a free session to see if coaching is the right fit for you.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
And join me on www.facebook.com/nicolahughescoaching
Lots of warmth to you, Nicola x x