In January 2016 I set some goals. One of them was that by January 2017 I would be successfully self-employed and out of the job I used to love but now no longer found fulfilling or enjoyable.
I continued in the day job but worked my self-employed socks off at the same time.
Then by about Easter I decided that was a stupid idea because we were embarking on a house extension, I decided to keep my eldest out of school for an extra year (that’s a whole other blog post story – stressful and emotional is an understatement) AND I thought it would be better to wait until the youngest was getting some free childcare hours.
So I continued to be unfulfilled in the day job.
I continued to dream big dreams for our future but didn’t act on much as we were mostly surrounded by dust.
Then I was called to a meeting. One that was headed, “Restructure.”
About 8 long weeks later I am sat at my kitchen table as a fully self-employed person. No day job in sight. It is November 2016! I have 8 weeks to become successful to achieve my goal.
There’s a few things I have learnt over the last few weeks.
I owned my Redundancy. There was a process but it was inevitable that I would be made redundant and I didn’t want ‘making’ redundant so I requested that I take voluntary redundancy. I was choosing this. No one was doing it to me. So when the process got hard I couldn’t blame ‘them’. I chose this. It’s so important to own your stuff. We go around blaming people for harming us or getting in the way.
I don’t like the word “Redundant”. It’s a horrid word meaning, not needed, jobless, of no use anymore. In the grand scheme of things of course I was needed and useful but in this context within this role I wasn’t. That’s okay. But it made me feel deskilled and worthless for a while so I needed to look after myself. I took some time off and did a lot of thinking. I also ran. Running helps me process things and releases stress.
I need to mull it over. Today is officially the first day of self-employed life. I have a list as long as my arm of things to do but I feel a little disabled. I’m still in transition and that is okay. I need to sort out my thoughts and close down my old life. This takes time and it shouldn’t be rushed. I’m not happy about this. I’d like to get over it and crack on!
I’m not going to get a Christmas party! I’m not a huge fan of work Christmas parties but that’s not the point. I don’t have a team to celebrate with or an excuse to put a pretty frock on. When I first told my team at work what was happening I told them not to feel sorry for me but to congratulate me and celebrate with me as I was being released into my future. The reality is that the party is just one event. I’m in this for my life and my family’s life. Being self-employed isn’t for everyone (and I’m not convinced yet that it’s for me) but it is for everyone to have a life that they feel in control of and enjoy.
No one is going to arrange a Christmas knees up for me but I can put my party frock on whenever I want.
So as we enter this festive season please raise your glasses with me,
“Here is to our lives, the lives we love, the lives we create and the choices we make!”
Watch this space as I’ll be announcing all the exciting things I plan to do soon.
If you’re struggling to celebrate your life or make the right choices get in touch with me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Lots of love