Ever been really worried about something and your lovely friends tell you not to worry and that it will all be fine?
I am assuming that this happens to you a lot. I’m also assuming that you say it to your worried friends and I’m also admitting that I’ve said it too.
So there is no judgement in this blog.
We all say it!
Did you realise telling someone not to worry and that it will be fine is disempowering?
We think we are being kind and caring but actually we are minimising their experience of this problem.
Here’s a question:
What if it’s not ok?
What if you tell your friend not to worry about her biopsy and it turns out she has aggressive cancer?
What if you tell your colleague not to worry about the restructure but she gets made redundant?
You took away the opportunity to get strong and make a plan.
There is another way.
You can ask questions that help your friend talk about the problem, face the fact it may be awful and most importantly help her realise she has to do some problem solving.
Life is not a bed of roses and sometimes we have hard decisions to make and dark roads to walk down.
I was dreading my summer born boy going to school just after he’d turned 4 because he wasn’t ready, he wasn’t toilet trained and he clung to me like a limpet. Most friends told me that he would be fine.
You can read My Summer Born Story in Part 2.
Deep down I knew he wasn’t going to be fine but I didn’t know where to go with my thoughts because no one believed me. Whenever I talked about it I was told not to worry. Everyone feels this way, everyone gets on with it, everyone is fine. The end.
When I took ownership of the problem I was able to find a solution.
You can’t solve a dilemma if you don’t truly realise you’ve got a problem.
You don’t know you have a problem if everyone says it’s fine.
Of course it’s never that simple. Many times it is fine and I am the only person I know in real life that has delayed her child from going to school so it must’ve been fine for the 100’s of parents who were worried like me last year.
I’m just asking you to think about how you could help your friends even more than you already do.
Help her open her eyes, listen with intent, wonder what it would be like to be in her shoes, voice that so she knows you’ve heard. Then wonder if there is another way.
Stay tuned for part 2 where I share my summer born story.
And don’t go anywhere until part 3 where I end the fight and tell you how I can help you.
Nicola x x x
Instagram – @nicolacoaches