“I Can Do it” – He thinks it’s magic!

I can do it 2

Do you remember being a child and playing on the climbing frames and swings?   I don’t mean last week when you were rescuing your child from the massive spider web thing in the middle of the park or chasing your two year old round the pretend castle.

I mean actually being a child and playing.

Were you careful or carefree?

My son and I are careful.

We were at Centre Parcs recently and my children were playing on the adventure playground.  My 4 year old started to moan that he couldn’t walk across the wobbly bridge. As much as I love my boy and he can be such a delight he can also be the biggest moaner ever! He struggles to try and his first port of call is to get help before he’s even tried.

I decided to try the whole “Positive Mind set” on him and taught him to say, “I can do it!  Before every step he said, “I can do it” and did it. He amazed himself.  I think he thought it was magic.

For a few days we reminded him of his new motto. Now we don’t need to remind him, he tells us and he even created a poster with his motto on.

To my delight (sorry, gushing mummy moment alert) I heard his sister say, “I can’t do it”.  I heard him pipe up. “No you say “I can do it” then you will be able to do it!”

Those 4 words have dramatically changed his life.

And they can change yours too.

It’s simple. They are just words that you need to say…and actually you don’t need to believe it, you just need to say it.

JUST SAY IT

What is it you are struggling with? A potential new job, looking after your children every day, making your marriage work?

These are words that empower you and give you the belief in yourself to do what you can do.

It doesn’t matter if you are carefree or careful we all get wobbly.

So, You can do it

You can do it

You can do it

Love Nicola

PS. Living a fulfilling life is much easier when you have a Coach. I love working with women who want their life to be more from life so please contact me if that’s you because I know I can help you DO IT!!

contact@nicolahughes.co.uk

www.nicolahughes.co.uk

I Can Do It

I can do it 1

4 Simple words that can change your life….you just need to say it!

As you know I run. You probably also know I run for cake and general mental health and well-being.  Otherwise I’m not that fussed. Give me a choice and I’d rather sew.

But once in a while a friend makes me do a race. Last year it was the Bradford 10K.  I was running 10K regularly with a friend and I loved it.  Off we’d go, wave bye to the kids and escape real life for an hour. We’d talk about everything and come back feeling pumped.

I was not worried about this race.

However, I don’t really like races. I just like to run. I don’t want to stand around and get cold waiting for the gun to bang. But I was with a few other ladies and to be honest I felt the buzz a little.

Bang!

We were off.

And so were my nerves. They totally went. Something happened to me and it made every step feel like I was running though peanut butter, I could hardly move.

I think it was race anxiety.

I was not expecting it and it was horrendous.  As I ran round the corner about 5 minutes in I had to decide if I was running this race or not.  The further I ran the worse it would be to turn around and I knew I needed to either commit or stop.

I committed.

I am either incredibly stupid or totally amazing.

Initially I was so disappointed in myself that I couldn’t just run, I do this all the time, why couldn’t I do it now.  Then I realised I was doing it and it was HARD. I was doing it despite it being hard.

You may or may not run but I bet in life you’ve had some curve balls to deal with. Some surprises that have devastated you, rocked your boat and make you wonder what it’s all about.

Here is how you are going to get through it:

  1. Are you in or out? Make that decision now. You can’t win if you are undecided.
  2. Have a word with yourself. I chanted “I can do it” all the way round on my race. At one point I was so utterly frustrated that I screamed my head off. I felt I just had to let it out. (I did warn the other runners around me I was going to do this and they were fabulous. I think they found me quite entertaining).
  3. Get a team. I am part of a virtual running community called Run Mummy Run. They are amazing. I knew there were other women running races and were probably struggling. On occasion I also shouted “Run Mummy Run”. I felt united, I also felt very daft but desperate times called for desperate measures.
  4. Get a friend. My beautiful friend never left my side the whole run. I was hurting and I was embarrassed, but I wasn’t alone.
  5. Get some perspective. For me I was going to feel like this for about an hour. I can do an hour. Soon it would all be over. And the same goes for you. You won’t feel like this forever. Something always changes.

This is your personal race. No one else’s. You run it your way in your time. You get to choose how to clear the obstacles and what time you do it in.

You can do it

You can do it

You can do it

Lots of love

Nicola x x

Ps. Running a race and living your life is much easier when you have a Coach. I love working with women who want their life to be more fulfilled so please contact me if that’s you because I know I can help you win YOUR race.

contact@nicolahughes.co.uk

 

 

Get Outta The Way!

Women Welfare Society (1)

When I was a teenager I remember one particular car journey with my mum. We were on some country lanes minding our own business when a driver appeared behind us obviously in a rush.

I presumed they were being idiots trying to wind us up or scare us.

My mum very calmly pulled over so the car could speed past.

I remember my speech; “Mum what are you doing? We were going the speed limit. They were being stupid. You should have stood your ground.”

I remember my mum’s response, “Maybe they had a call from the hospital and they need to get there quickly. You never know what’s going on for people.”

I judged

Mum showed compassion

I presumed they were bad

Mum saw potential goodness

I was ready to fight

Mum got out of the way.

My message to you is simple.

Sometimes you just need to get out of the way.

Is someone in your life doing your head in or causing you grief? Get out of the way

Are they stirring a situation and causing trouble? Get out of the way

It doesn’t matter who is right sometimes you just need to get out of the way.

Life can be really hard and fighting to prove a point is not always worth it. Look after your emotional and mental well being and enjoy YOUR journey.

Love to you all

Nicola x

PS. I’m currently offering phone and face to face sessions check out www.nicolahughes.co.uk and www.fb.com/nicolahughescoaching for more information.

 

No More Notifications!

notifications

No More Notifications Please!

I’ve got a new phone and I am seriously in love! I have been putting up with a very old phone for ages. I bought my old phone 4 years ago so in phone terms that’s pretty old.

My new phone is beautiful. It is shiny and new and does so many lovely things (half of which I am yet to work out!)

I have said yes to everything when I set it up. I thought if I’m going to make the most of this then I need everything it has to offer.

One of the first things I noticed though was the amount of notifications I got. My old ‘not so faithful’ friend hardly notified me of anything because there was nothing on it. I like to know if I have a text or I missed a phone call but I’m happy to check Facebook and emails in my own time.

When I turned my shiny new phone on I was so overwhelmed with the amount of things it was telling me that I totally forgot what I’d picked my phone up for (probably only to search Pinterest for Christmas ideas!).

I don’t like these notifications.

Say Happy Birthday to a random person you’ve forgotten how you know them!

Listen to this new voicemail from PPI

Read your junk emails

I am now going to undo what I have done and find a way not to get all these notifications. I’m then going to invent an app or widget that sends me really lovely notifications!

I am not actually going to do that last thing. But wouldn’t it be great if there was something that did that. (Maybe there is, let me know if you know of something).

Give yourself a pat on the back

You’ve done an amazing job today

Woo hoo you are awesome!

We are constantly bombarded with demands.  People, children, my small dog, they always want something.  I joke that I go to work for a break but it’s another set of demands – I just like those demands.  (Just for the record I also like my children but not their constant demands!)

Then the social demands we put on ourselves, to be thinner, have a nicer house, be more popular, earn more money.

My message to you is this…

YOU. ARE. OK.

We all have room to develop and grow but right now you are ok. You are good enough for whatever situation you are going through. Whatever is taking your attention you have what you need to deal with it.

We don’t give our self enough positive notifications so my gift to you is a Positive Notification (Affirmations) Sheet.  If you click this link http://eepurl.com/b1qM5r you can down load yourself a FREE lovely printable of some positive affirmations you need to remind yourself of (or not – you choose).

Stick them on your mirror, kitchen cabinets in your diary, or anywhere else you will see them.

Then believe them!

That’s all from me.

Come and say hi on www.fb.com/nicolahughescoaching

And check out my website www.nicolahughes.co.uk

Lots of Love, Nicola x

Originally written for www.raise4all.com  Sept 2016

 

Size Does Matter!

snakes

Snakes & Ladders

(Originally written for www.raise4all.com)

Quite possibly the dullest game in the world. Plod, plod, weeeeee down the snake, plod plod, yay up the ladder!

Repeat.

Unless you play it with my 3 year old. He doesn’t like winning or being last so basically makes sure his counter is on top of mine the whole time. So we are together. The dice gets chucked across the room. The counting is dubious. Basically it doesn’t look anything like snakes and ladders but is a tad more interesting than dull but not by much!

Over the last few weeks, and if I’m honest my entire life time, my life has been like a snakes and ladders board and dull it is not.

Parenting is;

Plod, plod, yay he ate a pea.

Plod plod, weeee, literally all over everything. How can one wee cause such devastation?

Plod plod, <insert minor achievement that means the world to you but nothing to anyone else>

Plod plod <major catastrophe involving food, bodily fluids or the pet dog>

I’m not sure if I play a game of snakes and ladders every day or whether one board lasts a life time. I like to think it’s the former and one day I hope I have a board with less snakes.

Interestingly this all started for me when I was struggling with one particular parenting issue.

Toilet training.

At this point can I say I would rather give birth 10 days running than go through toilet training?

It has been awful. I don’t want to say too much as I want to protect the privacy of my nearly 4 year old. He is a wonderful little soul and I want to protect him from everyone knowing all the details.

The basics: he is nearly 4, he has NEVER asked to go to the toilet, we are under a consultant paediatrician. I feel like the only person in the world dealing with this.

I realised that for him to say, “I need a wee wee” was really hard so I created my own version of snakes and ladders. We played as normal but when we went up the ladder I congratulated him for telling me he needed the toilet. If he went down a snake I would say he didn’t tell mummy he needed a wee wee. And if he landed on a star (planted by me and my marker on several of the squares) we had to shout, “I need a wee wee!” And we used wee wee counters!

I created this board from scratch so I could choose how many snakes and how many ladders. It felt sort of god-like! I even amazed myself with this amount of creativity. Don’t mess with a mummy on a mission.

I speak to a Continence nurse every week and I always think beforehand how hard it has been, what will I say? Why isn’t this happening quicker? What have I done wrong? How can I put it right?

She always says to me, “Nicola, wow you are doing a really good job, you are amazing, that’s brilliant. I’m coming to your house to see all these resources.”

I sob for a bit.

Then we talk about the week ahead.

She is either completely insane or we are doing better than I think.

The reality is that our ladders are tiny. Really small. I am expecting us to climb big ladders so when we don’t I’m utterly disappointed and feel like I have failed.

“Mummy I need a wee.” Said once in one week is a tiny ladder.

Sitting on the toilet without having a fit is a tiny ladder.

Me taking a deep breath is a tiny ladder.

These ladders are so important and I’ve realised that I need to stop minimising them.

Whatever parenting or life thing you are going through I encourage you to see those tiny ladders. Just like the Pokemon they are everywhere, you might not be able to see them. You might need to look everywhere to find them. It might take you on a journey that you didn’t expect.

But those Pokemon – I mean ladders are everywhere.

My gift to you this time is simple.

Draw a ladder with 10 rungs and label the rungs from 0-10 going up.

Answer these questions about a particular area of your life. 0 = struggling to achieve and 10 = on top of it.

Which rung are you on?

Which rung do you want to be on?

How are you going to get there?

Then notice in between the rungs there are some tiny ladders.

I am all for helping people set big goals whether you want to run a marathon or start a degree, I can help you. But sometimes we just need to acknowledge that those tiny ladders contain the hardest steps we have ever taken, are almost invisible to see and quite often are difficult to plan for.

I am pretty sure you are doing a great job. Keep going.

But if you need a helping hand contact me for your FREE session.

You can email me at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk or find out more about me on my website www.nicolahughescoaching.co.uk

I love helping people see their ladders and climb to the top of their lives!

And check me out on Facebook. www.fb.com/nicolahughescoaching

Lots of love

Nicola x x

 

Climb from the Bottom

Climb from the bottom

Have got some stuff you need to face up to but keep putting it off.

Are you feeling like a coach potato in some areas of your life but you can’t quite put your finger on what it is.

Love to live life to the full but you’re being held back?

Read on because this concept has really got me thinking and has helped me face up to a few things.

Have you ever watched documentaries that show aerial views of mountains? It’s absolutely incredible, breath taking and overwhelming even.

I wonder if this is how you see your ‘stuff’. So enormous that its breath taking and overwhelming. Maybe it’s so overwhelming that you daren’t look at it fully.

The thought of leaving a job behind that you’ve been in for years, being comfortable, known, knowing what you’re doing. You’re not satisfied but the thought of change overwhelms you.

You daren’t even grasp an aerial view of what it could be like to change jobs.

You know you could sort your finances out but that would involve admitting how much you spend and how much debt you are in. You can’t possibly face it. So you continue to spend and continue to deny there’s a problem.

But the aerial view is incredible. Why would you not allow yourself such pleasure?

The clients I work with are awesome. They come and tell me they are frustrated and want to be more fulfilled. What a great start to admit that something is not quite right. Sometimes they know they have a mountain, other times we work it out together. I help them see the aerial view and what life could be like.

They would tell you they feel all sorts of feelings at this point; overwhelmed, afraid, excited, intimidated, even more frustrated, intrigued, ok, ready…

Then we set some goals. They have worked out what to do, not all the steps are worked out, they might not have even put their shoes on to start but they know.

These people are at the foot of the mountain.

You need to get to the foot of the mountain.

The view is different. You can’t climb a mountain from the aerial view.

You climb from the bottom.

Get to the bottom. Whatever it takes get to the bottom.

I am not a mountain climber in the real sense but I have climbed Snowden when I was 10. I thought it would be like story books standing at the bottom and looking straight up and seeing the peak or maybe a few clouds. The reality on this day was that I saw a road, a rather steep road but a road, not a mountain.

When you get to the bottom

(and I’m not underestimating how hard that can be, it takes some of my clients a good few sessions to work what the mountain is never mind how to get to the bottom)

You won’t look up and see an overwhelming distance, you’ll just see a road you know you need to take.

Don’t put up with these frustrations because you fear the mountain. When you get to the bottom the journey up is an adventure.

When you work with me I am your support act, I prepare you, I walk with you and I take a break with you. I don’t tell you which way to go or how fast to go.

The free Coaching Call that I offer to all new clients is a great way to see if you’d like me on that journey with you.

Email me at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk and we’ll arrange the best time for your FREE coaching call.

Whatever it is we can sort it.

Looking forward to hearing from you

Love Nicola

Ps. Don’t forget to like my Facebook page http://www.fb.com/nicolahughescoaching

New Year, New You?…..Nah!

The Best way to be you

Do you feel bombarded with adverts asking you to become the new you?

Do you feel guilty thinking you must make some new year’s resolutions but wonder what the point is as you know they won’t last long?

Do you know something needs to change but don’t know what?

New Year is a great time of year for Coaches, Fitness Instructors, diet gurus and the like to jump on the bandwagon that a New Year marks a New Start.

It annoys me actually. Really really annoys me if I think about it too much.

Give up smoking.  Lose weight. Start a fitness regime. Not bad suggestions really.

But selling you a new YOU like you are an old car and need replacing is, in my books NOT on!

Do you remember Trinny and Susannah? The gusty style gurus. Never once did they tell anyone to lose weight or run more. They worked with what they had and made massive differences to people’s confidence.

They would grab a fat bulgy behind of some poor woman, tell her she was fabulous and choose a pair of trousers that showed off this fabulous feature. All the while this woman had been hiding in baggy jumpers as she was so embarrassed and probably tried every diet under the sun.

She didn’t have to change.

She was believed in and nurtured and she grew in confidence. (She also had two brash women grab her behind)

She found her best way to be herself.

I’m not sure where the story ends but my fantasy is that she had the confidence to go for her dream job or call the guy she’d been secretly admiring.

I want this for you. I know you are flawed. I know there are things about yourself you don’t like, things you do, attitudes you have, hobbies you should start, practices you should take up.

I’m not inviting you to transform yourself and become this new you in 6 easy steps.

I’m inviting you to be the same you (because you really are marvellous) but more defined.

We get so obsessed about being thinner, or funnier or well thinner. I always want to be thinner, not a size 6 thin but thinner. Then one day I had this revelation that the scales didn’t predict my future. I could be all the things I wanted to be and achieve all the amazing things I wanted to do regardless of my size. (I don’t want to be a Britain’s Next Top Model by the way– which is just as well)

I need two things:

Confidence in myself & Belief in myself

So my invitation to you is this;

Do you want me to help you FIND YOUR BEST WAY TO BE YOURSELF?

I know you are frustrated, I know you don’t always know what this frustration is about, I know you are not sure what you would say to me or where to start.

But I know these three things.

  1. I know how to connect with you
  2. I know how to bring out the BEST in you that is hiding or hasn’t been discovered yet
  3. I know you can live the more fulfilling life you dream of.

Will you walk with me?

Will you talk to me?

Email me at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk and we will arrange your FREE Coaching Session. There is no hard sell, just a simple explanation of what I offer and the rest is over to you so you can try me out.

I have limited spaces so book in early to avoid disappointment.

I can’t wait to hear from you.

New Year New You? Nah

You are already fabulous you just need to FIND YOUR BEST WAY TO BE YOURSELF

Lots of love,

Nicola x x

All Self Care Advice is Crap!

Daily Quotes

 

Apart from this, this is golden!

 

Seriously it’s gonna take a lot more than a hot bath and a walk to fix my monumental mess.

 

Do you feel you’re heading down a slippery slope but feel helpless to stop yourself?

 

Are you usually pretty resilient but this time somethings got the better of you?

 

Do you get a bit sick of self-help advice because whoever writes it must be a hermit who doesn’t have two kids a dog and a tonne of responsibility?

 

Keep reading because I am on your side.

 

It’s not that you don’t think a bit of mindfulness would be wonderful it’s just not possible and I know you aren’t making excuses, your life is a total balancing act and you’ve got a wobble on.

 

Even though you know a hot bath would be nice or 15 minutes to read a magazine would be luxury and a pub lunch alone with your partner is essential for harmony. The reality is the bath always has kids in it. There are no magazines because what’s the point of buying one, and a pub lunch!! Are you kidding? No baby sitter.

 

What are we exhausted, yet supposedly empowered women meant to do?

 

Self-care advice suggests you say NO

 

I’ve looked at my diary and tried to say no to things. I can’t delay the biggest pickles start at pre-school. I can’t cancel the smallest pickles birthday party. Could possibly cancel friends coming over for lunch but I don’t want to so I buy a massive lasagne and deal with the guilt of not providing a nourishing home cooked meal instead.

 

Self-care advice suggests look after yourself

 

I go to bed early but get woken up several times and wonder if I should just give up sleep altogether. I take vitamins. Have a good moan and a cry. Try to eat healthy but that involves more preparation. So spend time wondering whether I should eat healthily and use up energy preparing healthy food or buy pizza and feel rested but bloated and skint. Hubby intervenes and buys fish and chips and says fish oil is good. Good call hubby!

 

Self-care advice suggests yoga

 

Err no! I can’t do a keep fit class or go to anything else either. Nothing against them but I am rarely free from the pickles or I’m at work.

 

Then I had a revelation that helped me much more than any self-care advice ever has!

 

The Comfort Zone

 

I learnt about comfort zones, stretch zones and panic zones. The tasks in comfort zones feel safe, it’s easy and familiar. In the stretch zone it’s a challenge, you might feel a little panic, a few butterflies and some stress. And tasks in the panic zone you probably shouldn’t be doing because you feel extreme panic and stress just thinking of it.

 

As a passionate life coach I’d usually be talking about getting out of your comfort zone and developing yourself but not today.

 

Not when you are tired.

 

I realised that most of my day operated in the stretch zone. Even putting a load of washing in the machine was like the rat run trying to avoid being grabbed by small hands and moaned at.

 

I’m not sure about you but I can’t avoid my stretch zone, it’s good to have stretches and in theory when you’ve done it a few times it graduates to the comfort zone.

 

This is not true for the tasks that involve my little pickles, they are so unpredictable (and gorgeous) that they always add this unknown entity to life. I wouldn’t be without it but I have to admit I like to know what’s going on so I find it a stretch and I think it always will be.

 

It would be really easy to feel inadequate because I can’t handle the stretch of these simple parenting tasks. But that’s who I am.

 

My advice…I hope you don’t think its crap!

 

Nicola’s Self-care suggests: know your comfy place.

It might be that staying on the sofa all evening once the kids have gone to bed is your only comfort zone event of the day.

 

Or an hour to check your virtual world makes you feel safe.

 

Or eating a big piece of chocolate restores all the wrong in a day.

 

When I realised I needed to do these things instead of get my sorry butt to Pilates (a stretch zone for me – no pun intended). It was like I gave myself a huge permission, like a get out of PE letter from my mum!

 

Instead I looked at how I got comfort and where I felt safe.

 

If I’m not stressed and life is balanced then I’ll stretch myself some more because I’ve got a lot of things I want to achieve and sitting on the sofa isn’t going to get me very far.

 

But I really need to recognise those times and seasons and so do you.

Give yourself a get out of PE note and do what you need to do to recover from this season, because it is only a season.

All will be restored soon and you can carry on with your mission.

If you know your life needs some adjustment or you feel out of balance contact me as I’d love to offer you a free session to see if coaching is the right fit for you.

Email me at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk

And join me on www.facebook.com/nicolahughescoaching

Lots of warmth to you, Nicola x x

Also featured on www.lorifitzgerald.co.uk

Warning! Being Vulnerable Might Get You Cookies

Warning!!

Do you wonder how much to share with people? And when asked if you are okay do you answer by rote, “Great thanks” but deep inside you want to keel over?

Do you need some help or advice but don’t want to appear weak or unknowledgeable?

Are you more comfortable asking people how they are rather than telling them how you are?

Read on,

It’s time to move out of your comfort zone.

A few weeks ago it was really tough. My two pickles went down with Chicken Pox at the same time. As this happened a big dark cloud arrived over my head. Partly because of the pox but also because I had a lot of other things going on as well.  The pox and sleep deprivation meant I didn’t have the usual resolve to send the cloud on its not so merry way.

I was sinking.

It was very early or late o’clock and I decided to do what any self-respecting mother of two would do when at her wits end.

I told Facebook.

(Friends not groups)

And I kept telling Facebook through the early hours and the next day.

I made myself vulnerable!

I got words of wisdom, tonnes of sympathy, personal messages that made me laugh and mostly I knew I wasn’t alone. Because at stupid o’clock with a screaming baby and no solution I felt very alone.

I later told Facebook I was off to the docs and tongue in cheek suggested someone bring me coffee.

Someone did.

When I came out I was met with a beautiful smiley face, a hot coffee, a bag of cookies and a warm hug. I dissolved. That kindness gave me the energy I needed to get through the day.

A few other people offered to make our tea that night. I politely said thank you but I’d planned a simple tea. I immediately wondered why I couldn’t just say, “Great Thanks.”

Did I feel needy? Undeserving?

One lady must’ve seen right through me. “Great, save that for tomorrow, I’m bringing pasta round for tonight.”

The cloud over my head at the start of the day had dissolved by the end of the day. The situation hadn’t changed much but people had been immensely kind.

So what did I learn?:

There is a difference between being vulnerable and needy.

A needy person never gives but constantly demands of others, complains, never seems to try and work it out and are constantly stuck.

They are weak.

A vulnerable person has inner strength. They can share their weaknesses and struggles honestly. They aren’t stuck forever they are stuck now.

I also learnt that being vulnerable attracts people. I’m not suggesting that you be vulnerable just to attract people because that would be needy. But people are attracted to people who are honest and talk about their stuff openly. People realise that it’s not just them that struggle, others do too. It is hard being that person but it is who I am and it’s a good thing.

And finally, cookies can change someone’s mood radically and show them they are not alone. I was so uplifted by my coffee and cookie experience that I decided to pop to a friends with a bag of cookies as I knew she was struggling too. She was so thankful. Her situation didn’t change, she continued to have sleepless nights but knowing someone cared made the day more manageable.

So, what are you meant to do with all this information?

Go and buy someone some cookies. Honestly, do it!

Be vulnerable. I know you have plans to be successful and achieve great things and you think you need to portray strength to do this so people will trust you.

You are on a journey. Part of that journey involves being a real person with real stuff going on.

Work with me.

Pop me an email at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk or join the community of like minded women at www.facebook.com/niclahughescoaching

Enjoy your cookie buying trip

Warmth to you

Nicola x x