Climb from the Bottom

Climb from the bottom

Have got some stuff you need to face up to but keep putting it off.

Are you feeling like a coach potato in some areas of your life but you can’t quite put your finger on what it is.

Love to live life to the full but you’re being held back?

Read on because this concept has really got me thinking and has helped me face up to a few things.

Have you ever watched documentaries that show aerial views of mountains? It’s absolutely incredible, breath taking and overwhelming even.

I wonder if this is how you see your ‘stuff’. So enormous that its breath taking and overwhelming. Maybe it’s so overwhelming that you daren’t look at it fully.

The thought of leaving a job behind that you’ve been in for years, being comfortable, known, knowing what you’re doing. You’re not satisfied but the thought of change overwhelms you.

You daren’t even grasp an aerial view of what it could be like to change jobs.

You know you could sort your finances out but that would involve admitting how much you spend and how much debt you are in. You can’t possibly face it. So you continue to spend and continue to deny there’s a problem.

But the aerial view is incredible. Why would you not allow yourself such pleasure?

The clients I work with are awesome. They come and tell me they are frustrated and want to be more fulfilled. What a great start to admit that something is not quite right. Sometimes they know they have a mountain, other times we work it out together. I help them see the aerial view and what life could be like.

They would tell you they feel all sorts of feelings at this point; overwhelmed, afraid, excited, intimidated, even more frustrated, intrigued, ok, ready…

Then we set some goals. They have worked out what to do, not all the steps are worked out, they might not have even put their shoes on to start but they know.

These people are at the foot of the mountain.

You need to get to the foot of the mountain.

The view is different. You can’t climb a mountain from the aerial view.

You climb from the bottom.

Get to the bottom. Whatever it takes get to the bottom.

I am not a mountain climber in the real sense but I have climbed Snowden when I was 10. I thought it would be like story books standing at the bottom and looking straight up and seeing the peak or maybe a few clouds. The reality on this day was that I saw a road, a rather steep road but a road, not a mountain.

When you get to the bottom

(and I’m not underestimating how hard that can be, it takes some of my clients a good few sessions to work what the mountain is never mind how to get to the bottom)

You won’t look up and see an overwhelming distance, you’ll just see a road you know you need to take.

Don’t put up with these frustrations because you fear the mountain. When you get to the bottom the journey up is an adventure.

When you work with me I am your support act, I prepare you, I walk with you and I take a break with you. I don’t tell you which way to go or how fast to go.

The free Coaching Call that I offer to all new clients is a great way to see if you’d like me on that journey with you.

Email me at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk and we’ll arrange the best time for your FREE coaching call.

Whatever it is we can sort it.

Looking forward to hearing from you

Love Nicola

Ps. Don’t forget to like my Facebook page http://www.fb.com/nicolahughescoaching

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New Year, New You?…..Nah!

The Best way to be you

Do you feel bombarded with adverts asking you to become the new you?

Do you feel guilty thinking you must make some new year’s resolutions but wonder what the point is as you know they won’t last long?

Do you know something needs to change but don’t know what?

New Year is a great time of year for Coaches, Fitness Instructors, diet gurus and the like to jump on the bandwagon that a New Year marks a New Start.

It annoys me actually. Really really annoys me if I think about it too much.

Give up smoking.  Lose weight. Start a fitness regime. Not bad suggestions really.

But selling you a new YOU like you are an old car and need replacing is, in my books NOT on!

Do you remember Trinny and Susannah? The gusty style gurus. Never once did they tell anyone to lose weight or run more. They worked with what they had and made massive differences to people’s confidence.

They would grab a fat bulgy behind of some poor woman, tell her she was fabulous and choose a pair of trousers that showed off this fabulous feature. All the while this woman had been hiding in baggy jumpers as she was so embarrassed and probably tried every diet under the sun.

She didn’t have to change.

She was believed in and nurtured and she grew in confidence. (She also had two brash women grab her behind)

She found her best way to be herself.

I’m not sure where the story ends but my fantasy is that she had the confidence to go for her dream job or call the guy she’d been secretly admiring.

I want this for you. I know you are flawed. I know there are things about yourself you don’t like, things you do, attitudes you have, hobbies you should start, practices you should take up.

I’m not inviting you to transform yourself and become this new you in 6 easy steps.

I’m inviting you to be the same you (because you really are marvellous) but more defined.

We get so obsessed about being thinner, or funnier or well thinner. I always want to be thinner, not a size 6 thin but thinner. Then one day I had this revelation that the scales didn’t predict my future. I could be all the things I wanted to be and achieve all the amazing things I wanted to do regardless of my size. (I don’t want to be a Britain’s Next Top Model by the way– which is just as well)

I need two things:

Confidence in myself & Belief in myself

So my invitation to you is this;

Do you want me to help you FIND YOUR BEST WAY TO BE YOURSELF?

I know you are frustrated, I know you don’t always know what this frustration is about, I know you are not sure what you would say to me or where to start.

But I know these three things.

  1. I know how to connect with you
  2. I know how to bring out the BEST in you that is hiding or hasn’t been discovered yet
  3. I know you can live the more fulfilling life you dream of.

Will you walk with me?

Will you talk to me?

Email me at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk and we will arrange your FREE Coaching Session. There is no hard sell, just a simple explanation of what I offer and the rest is over to you so you can try me out.

I have limited spaces so book in early to avoid disappointment.

I can’t wait to hear from you.

New Year New You? Nah

You are already fabulous you just need to FIND YOUR BEST WAY TO BE YOURSELF

Lots of love,

Nicola x x

The Balancing Act

The Balancing Act

 

I’ve heard people say that they are doing THIS for their children.

I’ve heard people say that they’ve made massive sacrifices to their life for their dream.

I’ve heard people say it’s all hard graft to get the money and the life they really want.

 

There’s something about these statements that make me feel very uncomfortable. Maybe I’ve got a lot to learn (I definitely have a lot to learn) and maybe I’m going to have some difficult decisions to make along the way. But I don’t think The Dream has to be that hard.

 

The Dream can be anything. It can be a complete change of life or it can quite simply being able to find time to learn a new hobby or skill and make time for yourself each week.

 

I’m going to look at this from a few different perspectives

 

Sacrifice

 

This is where my argument falls down a bit because I have made a few sacrifices:

 

  • I have attended weekend training courses and missed out on family time
  • I have spent my evenings developing Nicola Hughes the business, missing out on…err TV!!
  • I have spent my birthday money on branding and other bits of cash on the business

 

I don’t really see any of that as a major sacrifice apart from the fact that I missed the children but we all had a fabulous time, we just weren’t together. 4 days, 2 weekends is fine in my book. It might not be okay in your book but that’s fine because it’s your dream and you set the rules.

 

I’m not afraid to bust a gut to train for a 10k. I’m happy to sacrifice eating horrendously gorgeous food to watch my waist line for a bit. I’m happy to sacrifice. BUT, I’m not going to disappear from my children’s life to tap tap at my laptop and say I’m doing this for them!

 

What’s hard?

 

None of it really. When I read Entrepreneurial Revolution by Daniel Priestley he said that lots of people living their dream never retire because they love what they do, it isn’t work. Some nights I’ve gone to bed really late because I’ve been ‘working’ on new material and I’ve been so buzzed up and happy, impressed with myself, energised, and excited because it’s not hard work it’s The Dream coming nearer and nearer. And I love it. I might have to make decisions that feel difficult and have barriers I have to overcome and work out how the heck Mailchimp works but it’s just small parts of the overall Dream.

 

Balance

 

This bit is hard for me. It is so important for me to have balance in my life, and I harp on about this a lot. I cannot be a full time anything. I need balance. I need to spend quality time with my children, I need to do something just for me, I need family time, TV time, chocolate time, days out, days in, cooking, organising…. The list goes on. So I cannot and will not commit full time to anything in particular The Dream because I need balance.

 

If you have not noticed it is December. December is synonymous with trees, decoration, mince pies, Christmas cards, presents, advent calendar and preparing cool advent task things to keep up with all the other amazing mums, Christmas parties, jumpers, craft fair, visits to several Santa’s…. Not really much room for planning The Dream.

 

It hit me one Sunday evening. I had a list of thigs I had to do and I realised I had not prepared the advent activities I wanted to do for my pickles.  I did it so fast that I gave myself stomach ache and I didn’t enjoy it at all.

 

I had to think.

 

I thought about all the Christmas tasks I wanted to do and enjoy with the children or with my hubby. And as I was thinking about it I was wondering how fast I could get them done so I could then get the lap top out and write some content for The Dream that’s when it struck me.

 

I will NOT say I’m doing this for the kids if it means missing out on watching them put up the Christmas tree.

I will NOT make massive sacrifices if it involves the kids missing out on me being part of a whole season of life

If The Dream becomes all about graft and hard work then it’s not what it was meant to be and it needs to stop.

 

My children don’t actually care about The Dream, they want to be loved by a happy healthy mummy and daddy. And we are happy and healthy when we have balance in our lives.

 

I did consider giving The Dream up over the Christmas period because I felt such a strong pull to enjoy every Christmas moment with the children and make memories. They are 1 and 3. They will never be 1 and 3 again. Next year they will be 2 and 4, then 3 and 5. I never get this time back ever again. But I’m driven and excited and can’t stop The Dream from existing it calls me and I cannot shut it up.

 

So a memo to you both,

 

Hello December, meet The Dream!

I know you are in competition with each other for my attention but I love you both. I will not choose between the two of you. You will have to learn to get on with each other.  I will enjoy every Christmas moment and if The Dream would like to join us and inspire us while we are having fun then you are most welcome. But if you come and try and laden me with guilt then I shut the door on you because my family time is precious.

December, if I’m planning my next move or writing a blog feel free to sing Christmas songs while I work or feed me lovely mince pies to give me energy but do not come with your guilt trying to steal me away from something that is mine, that I own that I’m proud of.  Because I need this time.

December you are my seasonal joy. The Dream you are my inspiration. So let the party begin. X x

 

What’s Your Dream?

 

When you were reading this did something resonate with you? The desire to have balance, the pull between the children and something else, wondering how they can all work together.

 

I have a really awesome way of helping you get a birds’ eye perspective of your life and pin pointing which bit is out of balance.

 

That sounds pretty good right?

 

If you email me at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk  we can arrange a FREE coaching session and I will help you work it out.

 

Meanwhile, I’m sooooo curious to know what Your Dream is.  Nothing is too bonkers or too mundane for me. Come and visit me at www.fb.com/nicolahughescoaching and tell me what Your Dream is.

 

You know your friends? I reckon they have Dreams too, it’s just you never get to talk about it because you’re so busy with work or the kids. Please pass this onto them, it might be the life line they need to get them started.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Love  Nicola x x

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Jolt When you Step Back into Work

The JoltWhen you Step into work

In my Blog “Return to work – No you can’t.” https://nicolahughescoaching.wordpress.com/2015/11/15/return-to-work-no-you-cant/

I describe stepping into work like stepping onto an elevator. It doesn’t stop, it keeps moving just like your job has while you’ve been away. And when you have stepped on you got a jolt as you readjust.

The jolt onto an elevator is small.

You might not even notice it.

This Blog is about my Jolt as I step back into work.

IT IS NOT A SMALL JOLT!!

It’s a great big ruddy jolt that’s left me shouting, “Who took my life, I’ll have it back now please!!”

Ok, I’ll stop being a drama queen.

But here is a little context. I am writing this after day two at work. I work two days a week. I have two children. The childcare is a mix of grandma, childminder and preschool. We had a horrible double dose of chicken pox the week before and some family issues that wiped me out.

And hello work.

I loved being at work. I talked to adults without interruption from small people, I made a cuppa when I wanted and drank it before it went cold, I only had to feed myself at lunch time and no one followed me to the toilet and shouted, “Don’t make a loud noise mummy!” (The biggest pickle says this when we are in public toilets and he’s referring to the hand dryer that he’s scared to death of BUT he always says it when I’m sat on the public toilet and not when I’m washing my hands which in my mind would be a much more appropriate time to make his request! Ruddy kids!)

I still feel a little wobbly about the actual job I am doing and I wonder if I can remember how to do it. Plus the system has dramatically changed and I know I’m going to get frustrated with that. But I have an inner peace and good support at work and I know it will be fine.

What could possibly go wrong?

I thought the jolt I would experience was stepping through the office door. No, that was fun. The jolt was stepping in my front door when I got back. I had been gone all day. I didn’t know what had gone on, who needed what. It felt like trying to jump onto a very fast moving train. In truth it probably looked like any usual evening in the Hughes residence. But I didn’t know what to do?

I felt surplus – no one needed me

I felt guilty – I didn’t know what my children needed

I felt jealous – Someone else knew what they wanted

I felt trapped – I didn’t know how to make it right or at least workable.

I felt hungry – I didn’t know when I was going to eat my tea

I did what any self-respecting woman on a mission to be more fulfilled would do.

I planned my escape!!

I thought I’d get a new job and work 12 hours straight so I could avoid all of this. I thought I could change my childcare arrangements, I could quit my job and eat beans on toast for life.

Then, (a few days later)

I realised that I hadn’t given much thought to anyone else. So I asked and I kept asking.

I strongly but kindly said I wasn’t okay with some things. I set boundaries.

I offered possibilities. I was flexible.

We stated the obvious. We all need feeding.

We allocated jobs.

We renegotiated.

We said we would keep trying.

I enter Week 2 of work much happier.

So what is your Jolt? Are you living it right now? Or are you waiting and dreading and guessing what it will be?

Whatever it is and however you are feeling if you need help I know I can help you.

You don’t need to dread it. Just imagine how much easier it will be to have someone who understands walking along side you through it.

And if you’re living the jolt right now and can’t see a way out. There will be.

Whatever the situation you are in, if you can’t see the wood for the trees and want some help getting out or to find a new perspective get in touch with me at Contact@nicolahughes.co.uk and we can arrange a

FREE introductory Coaching Session for you.

When you have done that get on Facebook and like my page www.fb.com/nicolahughescoaching so you can keep up to date with my musings and information.

Lots of love to you

Nicola x

All Self Care Advice is Crap!

Daily Quotes

 

Apart from this, this is golden!

 

Seriously it’s gonna take a lot more than a hot bath and a walk to fix my monumental mess.

 

Do you feel you’re heading down a slippery slope but feel helpless to stop yourself?

 

Are you usually pretty resilient but this time somethings got the better of you?

 

Do you get a bit sick of self-help advice because whoever writes it must be a hermit who doesn’t have two kids a dog and a tonne of responsibility?

 

Keep reading because I am on your side.

 

It’s not that you don’t think a bit of mindfulness would be wonderful it’s just not possible and I know you aren’t making excuses, your life is a total balancing act and you’ve got a wobble on.

 

Even though you know a hot bath would be nice or 15 minutes to read a magazine would be luxury and a pub lunch alone with your partner is essential for harmony. The reality is the bath always has kids in it. There are no magazines because what’s the point of buying one, and a pub lunch!! Are you kidding? No baby sitter.

 

What are we exhausted, yet supposedly empowered women meant to do?

 

Self-care advice suggests you say NO

 

I’ve looked at my diary and tried to say no to things. I can’t delay the biggest pickles start at pre-school. I can’t cancel the smallest pickles birthday party. Could possibly cancel friends coming over for lunch but I don’t want to so I buy a massive lasagne and deal with the guilt of not providing a nourishing home cooked meal instead.

 

Self-care advice suggests look after yourself

 

I go to bed early but get woken up several times and wonder if I should just give up sleep altogether. I take vitamins. Have a good moan and a cry. Try to eat healthy but that involves more preparation. So spend time wondering whether I should eat healthily and use up energy preparing healthy food or buy pizza and feel rested but bloated and skint. Hubby intervenes and buys fish and chips and says fish oil is good. Good call hubby!

 

Self-care advice suggests yoga

 

Err no! I can’t do a keep fit class or go to anything else either. Nothing against them but I am rarely free from the pickles or I’m at work.

 

Then I had a revelation that helped me much more than any self-care advice ever has!

 

The Comfort Zone

 

I learnt about comfort zones, stretch zones and panic zones. The tasks in comfort zones feel safe, it’s easy and familiar. In the stretch zone it’s a challenge, you might feel a little panic, a few butterflies and some stress. And tasks in the panic zone you probably shouldn’t be doing because you feel extreme panic and stress just thinking of it.

 

As a passionate life coach I’d usually be talking about getting out of your comfort zone and developing yourself but not today.

 

Not when you are tired.

 

I realised that most of my day operated in the stretch zone. Even putting a load of washing in the machine was like the rat run trying to avoid being grabbed by small hands and moaned at.

 

I’m not sure about you but I can’t avoid my stretch zone, it’s good to have stretches and in theory when you’ve done it a few times it graduates to the comfort zone.

 

This is not true for the tasks that involve my little pickles, they are so unpredictable (and gorgeous) that they always add this unknown entity to life. I wouldn’t be without it but I have to admit I like to know what’s going on so I find it a stretch and I think it always will be.

 

It would be really easy to feel inadequate because I can’t handle the stretch of these simple parenting tasks. But that’s who I am.

 

My advice…I hope you don’t think its crap!

 

Nicola’s Self-care suggests: know your comfy place.

It might be that staying on the sofa all evening once the kids have gone to bed is your only comfort zone event of the day.

 

Or an hour to check your virtual world makes you feel safe.

 

Or eating a big piece of chocolate restores all the wrong in a day.

 

When I realised I needed to do these things instead of get my sorry butt to Pilates (a stretch zone for me – no pun intended). It was like I gave myself a huge permission, like a get out of PE letter from my mum!

 

Instead I looked at how I got comfort and where I felt safe.

 

If I’m not stressed and life is balanced then I’ll stretch myself some more because I’ve got a lot of things I want to achieve and sitting on the sofa isn’t going to get me very far.

 

But I really need to recognise those times and seasons and so do you.

Give yourself a get out of PE note and do what you need to do to recover from this season, because it is only a season.

All will be restored soon and you can carry on with your mission.

If you know your life needs some adjustment or you feel out of balance contact me as I’d love to offer you a free session to see if coaching is the right fit for you.

Email me at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk

And join me on www.facebook.com/nicolahughescoaching

Lots of warmth to you, Nicola x x

Also featured on www.lorifitzgerald.co.uk

Return to Work? No You Can’t

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Are you struggling to get your head round ‘returning’ to work? Leaving Maternity Leave behind you and resuming work life where you left off?

Are you wondering what it will be like to go back to the office and do the job you did if you can remember how the heck to do it?

Not to mention all the stress concerned with sorting out child care and organising the life that exists around work.

In a minute I’m going to tell you why it’s impossible to return to work.

I’m going to tell you why you can’t go back.

Before I do, please have a think. Recall a work item, something that you only use at work. It could be your ID badge, a bag you only use for work. Your suit or uniform. Get it in your head. Actually locate it if you have time and look at it.

Remember what it was like to use that item and be that person. Imagine where you sat and what you did, who you talked to. Some of the language you used and how you felt at work.

Now look at an item in your home that you’ve only needed since you had a baby. It could be a high chair, a muslin, a bottle of Calms!!!. Think about times you have used this item and how those occasions make you feel.

Depending on your job it’s probably worlds apart. You have a different life to the one you had when you were working. Even if you had a good work life balance. Chances are you’ve had to mute your hobbies for a while and life looks very different from how it did.

How long have you been off for? 6-12 months? 5 years? Whatever the answer time has passed. Whatever you have left will not be the same. Clients will have changed, staff will have changed, furniture will have moved. Systems will be different.

Returning to work makes it sound like you are going back to exactly what you left. But you can’t. You’ve changed and work has changed while you have been gone. There is no return.

You cannot return to work.

You can STEP INTO WORK.

Think of an escalator, it doesn’t stop moving so you can get on. You have to step onto it while it is moving, you get a bit of a jolt but then you move at the same pace

Just like work. It’s not going to stop, you are not joining at the same place you left, it has moved, you have moved.

There’s going to be a jolt.

Are you ready for the jolt?

Over the next few weeks I will be running a fabulous FREE workshop called “Finding Your Feet as You Step in to Work”.

Its aim is to help you with the jolt as you step in to work, raise your confidence and give you yummy cake and a FREE goody bag.

See www.facebook.com/nicolahughescoaching for more information on how to book your place, there are a few places left but be quick.

And if that wasn’t enough all of you that attend will have the opportunity to sign up to my FREE eBook with 6 Simple Steps to get you work ready and to minimise that jolt.

So what are you waiting for?

You can’t return to work but you can step into it. The great thing is you don’t have to look back. You can be the new you and step into a great life, different from before, different from now but great.

Looking forward to seeing you at the workshop

Love Nicola x x

Love Nicola x x

Nailed It

Nailed It.

Nailed it

Have you seen those funny photos of people’s creations where they’ve tried to copy something from Pinterest but failed on a major level? The text underneath reads,

“Nailed It”

They make me laugh so much.

Mainly because I have been in that place.

I made Play Doh the other day, the example was glossy and brightly coloured. I thought how hard can this be? Clearly very! It looked awful and I couldn’t get the colour to run through it.

I also made some banana muffins and they looked no-where near as full and plump as the ones in the picture.

I’m now very wary.

I really want to draw on mugs with sharpie pens, the pictures look great. However, I’ve read a few feedback posts that say it doesn’t work and fades after one wash.

Quite frankly I’m not wasting my time on something that’s not going to work.

I wonder if that’s how you feel about Life Coaching with me, or with anyone?

There’s lots of people out there making claims to change your life, making you fab offers and sending you lots of free stuff. It can be really confusing.

You usually then discover they want a tiny fortune off you.

It’s really hard to know whether you’ll get what’s so beautifully portrayed in the picture.

When you work with a life coach or counsellor or mentor you are giving a little of yourself to someone for a time. It’s personal, you don’t want to do that with just anyone.

So why should you choose me?

I am Nicola Hughes before I am anyone else. Born in the North West of England. I am a wife and a Mum to two little pickles who are 1 and 3. I work part time and I run my own business.

Sometimes I feel full of life and enjoy seeing my pickles do the amazing things they do. On other days (which is the majority) I struggle with all the things you do:

Am I a good enough parent?

Why are they doing my head in?

How will I get all of this done?

Who am I?

Work with me because I am a real person, I’m living the everyday struggles of life. Yet I’ve painted a picture for myself and I’m making it happen.

I can help you because I have been helped

I can help you because I am qualified and skilled

I can help you because I am real

I know you don’t want to waste your time (or money) on something that isn’t going to work.

I know you are concerned whether you will ‘Nail It’ or not.

The difference is you get to paint the picture, not me!

I support you to paint your picture

Then..

I watch you nail it!

If something in here resonates with you, if you are a little intrigued then contact me.

I offer everyone a FREE introductory session.

This is so you can hear my voice, see if you like working with me, like my style and ask any questions.

There is no obligation. I promise that.

Email me at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk and we’ll set up a time that’s convenient.

Please share this with your lovely friends as they might be interested in painting a different life for themselves.

Then join me at www.facebook.com/nicolahughescoaching so you can keep up with what’s going on and be inspired.

Looking forward to hearing from you

Nicola x x

If the X Factor was the Guilt Factor I’d get to Judges Houses!

Guilt

When you’re on your way to work do you feel guilty for leaving your children?

Then guilty at work because you’re only part time and can’t get as much done.

You need to do a tonne of things but they are pulling at your trousers saying in the most divine voice ever, “Mummy do you want to play with me?”

GUILT

Definition of guilt by me, “Big ugly stringy mess that tugs at your heart strings, like a dark version of Mister Tickle but more arms and less smile”

Actual definition of guilt by Oxford dictionary, “A feeling of having committed wrong or failed in an obligation”

Guilt is great if it’s appropriate. If you have hurt someone, gossiped about a friend, been rude to your partner then guilt wakes you up to that and hopefully encourages you to make amends.

I’m talking about the guilt we get when we haven’t done anything wrong we are just trying to muddle through life and keep everything in balance.

We could spend some time psychoanalysing where our guilt comes from. Freud certainly comes up with some interesting suggestions (see the link below). But I really don’t think you have the time right now.

So instead do what I’ve done.

My immediate plan has been to accept that my life will contain a certain amount of guilt. I focus on keeping that at a manageable level.

I let myself off the hook all the time and you can too.

A jar of ready made baby food is ok. Oven pizza instead of freshly prepared food is a life saver. Growing your own veg is not essential neither is owning your own chickens. Children being covered in mud and insisting on wearing their superman outfit to school will amuse everyone else. Crying like a baby as you leave your youngest at nursery for the first time while you go to work is your right as a mother.

Embrace it!

You are a good person, you don’t deserve to be carrying a huge load of guilt around with you.

Just let it go….at least most of it!

If you don’t you’ll end up stressed, overwhelmed, and depressed.

It’s okay if your guilt gets you to the 6 chairs but don’t win the guilt factor!

If you’ve realised your guilt factor is too much and you want help restoring some balance in your life please contact me for your free coaching session.

I’d love to hear from you. contact@nicolahughes.co.uk

Then join me at www.facebook.com/nicolahughescoaching for latest musings on life.

Love Nicola x x

Ps if you want to read more about guilt there are some articles here.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/guilt

Warning! Being Vulnerable Might Get You Cookies

Warning!!

Do you wonder how much to share with people? And when asked if you are okay do you answer by rote, “Great thanks” but deep inside you want to keel over?

Do you need some help or advice but don’t want to appear weak or unknowledgeable?

Are you more comfortable asking people how they are rather than telling them how you are?

Read on,

It’s time to move out of your comfort zone.

A few weeks ago it was really tough. My two pickles went down with Chicken Pox at the same time. As this happened a big dark cloud arrived over my head. Partly because of the pox but also because I had a lot of other things going on as well.  The pox and sleep deprivation meant I didn’t have the usual resolve to send the cloud on its not so merry way.

I was sinking.

It was very early or late o’clock and I decided to do what any self-respecting mother of two would do when at her wits end.

I told Facebook.

(Friends not groups)

And I kept telling Facebook through the early hours and the next day.

I made myself vulnerable!

I got words of wisdom, tonnes of sympathy, personal messages that made me laugh and mostly I knew I wasn’t alone. Because at stupid o’clock with a screaming baby and no solution I felt very alone.

I later told Facebook I was off to the docs and tongue in cheek suggested someone bring me coffee.

Someone did.

When I came out I was met with a beautiful smiley face, a hot coffee, a bag of cookies and a warm hug. I dissolved. That kindness gave me the energy I needed to get through the day.

A few other people offered to make our tea that night. I politely said thank you but I’d planned a simple tea. I immediately wondered why I couldn’t just say, “Great Thanks.”

Did I feel needy? Undeserving?

One lady must’ve seen right through me. “Great, save that for tomorrow, I’m bringing pasta round for tonight.”

The cloud over my head at the start of the day had dissolved by the end of the day. The situation hadn’t changed much but people had been immensely kind.

So what did I learn?:

There is a difference between being vulnerable and needy.

A needy person never gives but constantly demands of others, complains, never seems to try and work it out and are constantly stuck.

They are weak.

A vulnerable person has inner strength. They can share their weaknesses and struggles honestly. They aren’t stuck forever they are stuck now.

I also learnt that being vulnerable attracts people. I’m not suggesting that you be vulnerable just to attract people because that would be needy. But people are attracted to people who are honest and talk about their stuff openly. People realise that it’s not just them that struggle, others do too. It is hard being that person but it is who I am and it’s a good thing.

And finally, cookies can change someone’s mood radically and show them they are not alone. I was so uplifted by my coffee and cookie experience that I decided to pop to a friends with a bag of cookies as I knew she was struggling too. She was so thankful. Her situation didn’t change, she continued to have sleepless nights but knowing someone cared made the day more manageable.

So, what are you meant to do with all this information?

Go and buy someone some cookies. Honestly, do it!

Be vulnerable. I know you have plans to be successful and achieve great things and you think you need to portray strength to do this so people will trust you.

You are on a journey. Part of that journey involves being a real person with real stuff going on.

Work with me.

Pop me an email at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk or join the community of like minded women at www.facebook.com/niclahughescoaching

Enjoy your cookie buying trip

Warmth to you

Nicola x x

If Your Outside Self Is Broken…Read This!

nicolahughes.co.uk -coming soon

This week’s challenge is my self-image.

I thought I had a healthy amount of self-esteem.

And when I say healthy I mean normal.

And when I say normal I mean I probably struggle on and off as much as yourself or any other woman.

Sometimes more, sometimes less.

Did you know that your hair is a symbol of pride? Well it is. And my pride has been challenged, wobbled, knocked over.

My hair has been destroyed.

Years ago I worked for a women’s residential project that helped them overcome life controlling issues such as self-harm, eating disorders, effects of abuse to name but a few. One day the wonderful ladies decided to challenge themselves. We had to think of something that would challenge our self-esteem and go out like that. So one lady hated herself in glasses, another hated wearing a certain style of clothing. It was different for us all.

But I couldn’t think of anything.

I told them that I was fairly happy with my body image and I couldn’t think of anything that would challenge me.

(Slight pause to laugh my head of!!!!!!)

One of the ladies said, “Go out with-out drying your hair.”

I actually thought my breath had been stolen, I gasped. That was it! There was no way on God’s green earth I wanted to do that. But I did. I hated it. It challenged me.

We all lived.

This time I’ve had my hair dyed and it’s been left on for too long and the condition is terrible. It feels awful and looks awful. I’m gutted.

A friend recently said, “Go out with-out drying your hair.”

Oh my goodness, where is the air, gasp!!

I’m back to that place.

What’s your thing?

What is it that’s wobbling your self-esteem, making you feel unattractive, less of a woman, insecure, it’s attacking your pride, it’s stopping you from moving forward?

For many it will be your weight. Maybe you hate your fat thighs. Or you’ve put on a tonne of weight and it’s everywhere.

For others it will be a particular body part that only surgery will fix. A bulging tummy, cankles, cellulite, wrinkles.

It’s not who you are is it?

You have an ideal version of yourself in your head of how you want to look. Actually get that image in your head. How do you want to look?

Hold that thought to one side.

Now think of the thing you want to do. Starting your own business, changing your career, being successful at a new hobby. Being the best mum you can be. Whatever it is think about it.

Hold both thoughts together.

They don’t really fit do they? The thing you want to do isn’t going to happen any faster if you looked the way you wanted to. The thought is a nuisance that’s like a fly and needs swatting.

Get away.

Some of you are saying that if you lost weight (or whatever) then you’d be more confident to do the thing you want to do.

Good point, but stop kidding yourself. There’s always going to be an excuse.

You just need to make a decision to do the thing you want to do and don’t let anything get in your way.

I am gutted about my hair. I hate seeing myself if I don’t like my hair. I feel embarrassed.

But…I’m moving. I’ll make a decision to chop it off or live with it and then I’m off.  I’ll continue on my journey.

And I’ll keep trying to love all those things I don’t like about my outside self.

If you need some support with your ‘stuff’ email me at contact@nicolahughes.co.uk and claim your free life coachig session

Then join me at www.facebook.com/nicolahughescoaching

I’d love to hear from you.

Love Nicola

PS. If you know some fabulous women (well of course you do), please feel free to share this with them